Sundays Are Magic

It is rainy and cold this morning. Jer and I are in our cozy little den, we turned the heater on for the first time ever in our new place and we are enjoying the warmth as football plays in the background and we are both at work on our computers. It’s kind of an amazing Sunday so far.
Life is good. I am feeling really nostalgic and honestly desperate to let everyone I know reallllly understand how much I value them. I’ve been reflecting quite a bit on the mosaic that is my life, all the bits and pieces that have come together and fit perfectly to create who and where I am today. It fascinates me how life works out sometimes.
Here is a slice of some of the things rolling around in my brain and my heart :)

~I’ve been getting so so excited about our trip to LA next month. It will be my first time back since we moved and I realize now that it has been quite a long time. Between our trip and then trying to get settled and get work etc., time seems to have been moving at an inconsistent pace. I haven’t had the time to sit back and just miss LA. I’ve missed people of course, but have not exactly been wistful about our old place or neighborhood or rituals. I feel that now and I can’t wait go back and soak it all again. I’ve been thinking a lot about MI and everything I learned, all the chances I had to grow as a singer and as a writer, the people who believed in me and pushed me into uncomfortable but necessary places, the friends I made in my classes, the people who played with me. There are some whom I never even saw again after our program ended but I think of them all the time. It was such a good time in my life, one I will never forget and one I will always, always be so thankful for.

~I recently had the chance to reconnect with an old friend from my Bakersfield elementary school days. We both liked to sing and wrote songs together that sounded like we were 12 going on 30. I remember one particular tune went like this:
“Do you think it’s fair that I’m all alone
and you are off somewhere?
Do you think it’s fair that you don’t care so
I’m stuck putting the pieces together”
I mean, did we even know what we were talking about? Who can say, but we sang it with gusto. We also sang ‘That’s What Friends Are For’ for our 6th grade talent show and apart from singing in church as a kid; it was really my first time singing in front of a large audience. My heart STILL skips a beat when I hear the harmonica start that song off on the radio because I remember how nervous I had been to perform, and because I have such fond memories of my pals from 6th grade. I’ve stayed in touch with some of them and it’s really amazing to see how their lives have unfolded. It’s an honor actually. I feel a closeness to them I can’t properly articulate. They remind me of an old and distant chapter in my life, but also of an inescapable and deep-rooted part of myself and for that I am indebted to them.

~I started teaching music. I have had a lifetime of experience working with kids and years and years of playing music, but I’ve never really combined the two. It’s been one of the most challenging things I’ve taken on in a really long time. Last week I literally couldn’t sleep the night before one of my first classes. It’s a good nervousness though, a stretching, as Jeremy keeps reminding me. I’ve had a pretty poor track record when it comes to bowing to self doubt but I’ve been surprising myself this time around. I am equipped to do this. It helps that I know a lot of teachers who offer up excellent advice. It helps that I’m getting to teach a lot of Christmas music and it helps that Jeremy sends me text messages every time I’m on my way to class that say, ‘You have everything you need’. (Is he amazing or what) I’m letting that sink in more than I ever have before. I DO have everything I need. I’m new at this yes, I’m scared of messing up yes, but music is my life and sharing it comes naturally when I just let it go. It actually feels kind of full circle in a way, I remember so well the music teachers that touched my life, from Mrs. McGrath in the 4th grade to Bob Schleeter in high school to Deanna Walker in college and so on and now I have the chance to maybe give some of that back. Speaking of Bob, I’m working with him a few times a week in his chorus class at Marin Academy. Talk about full circle, right?
In addition to this new frontier, I just realized that I’ve gotten paid for every show I’ve played since we moved up here. Of course, it’s not about the money AT ALL, but seeing that it was my goal to support myself with musical endeavors only, it feels kind of good to be able to say I’m a semi-professional performer right now :)

And so another week begins….thank you to all my friends and family and everyone who supports me…I feel so so thankful every day for everything I have been given and I’m just trying to deserve it all.
Best wishes for a cozy rest of the month and a glorious Halloween!!!!K