2 weeks ago, I fractured my right elbow. It sounds pretty nasty. I'll be honest, it hurts, but it could be 1,000 times worse. After a trip to urgent care and then to the orthopedic, I've been given a sling and a four to six week window for recovery. In the meantime I'm actually encouraged to NOT wear the sling as often as possible (which is awesome because frankly, the sling is miz) and to try to extend and curl my arm. I can still run and am expected to regain full range of motion- playing guitar is a few weeks out but just because it will hurt. The Doc said as long as it doesn't get bumped again, it will be fully functioning before Christmas. I'm pushing for a miracle at the three week mark so I can aggressively help put up the holiday decorations next weekend, but really, one day at a time.
I've broken things before, I've gotten super sick and had to take things easy for awhile, had to take care of myself and simplify. When I tried to lay my arm on the x-ray table and realized it was not going to happen, I was struck with the notion that I was about to be taught a lesson. I knowingly sighed and welcomed the silver lining to appear whenever it was ready.
I slightly overestimated my capacity for optimism. In those first few days- those first few hours even, I felt more frustration than I really care to admit. Although a proud southpaw, only having the use of one arm, one hand, even if it is my dominant one, is really difficult. Some things that were really hard nay impossible to do that I wasn't expecting:
-wearing shoes with laces (can't tie them)
-putting my hair in a pony tail or a bobby pin (not awesome since my hair is at a super awkward length)
-getting dressed period. (one of my students actually asked me last week if I had trouble getting dressed. I can only assume it's because I'm having to pick outfits and ensembles that are really easy to get on, whether or not they match or even fit)
-sleeping (the arm is supposed to be propped up therefore completely eliminating a whole side that I can roll over onto, not to mention snuggling)
-typing. one handed finger pecking takes for.ev.er.
-cutting food
-washing my hair (I've basically reverted back to being about 5 years old when all you do is squeeze a big blob of shampoo onto the top of your head and hope that does the trick)
I've tried to throw my good hand up and laugh it off and just accept my fate for the time being. A poorly dressed, greasy haired, velcro shoe wearing, sleep deprived, one armed slow poke. I've tried to just let it go when I start feeling sad that my guitar calluses are almost gone after two weeks of dormancy, or that I had just started to be able to do toe pushups in Shred Fit and will now undoubtedly be months behind and back to knee push ups if I'm even lucky. But more often than not I've had to take a time out and breath through some tears.
Here is a happier, more redeeming list of surprises and reminders:
-My boyfriend is a kind, compassionate and patient man. This is not a surprise, but I have been humbled time and again by his willingness to put up with me when I am whiny, to coax me into asking for help even though I should be a big enough girl to do so myself, and to gently assist me with a slew of unglamorous tasks.
-Team Shred Fit is awesome. I was with the gang when I took my little spill on the trail and much to my mortification, burst into ugly crying and curled up into a ball. Reb, Derek and Beist were so kind to me in my state, crouching down with me to wipe the dirt out of my mouth, the leaves out of my hair and to assess my boo boos. After having to miss several sessions since, I got back into the workouts this week and am fully planning on running the Turkey Trot next week with these shredding machines. Woohoo!
-My friends and family are so supportive. I've gotten so many kind calls, emails and notes of encouragement and happy thoughts. I feel infinitely blessed beyond measure to have so many wonderful people in my world and to be surrounded by such love. I am lucky, lucky lucky.
-I have gotten to sleep in, read with reckless abandon and treat myself to several espresso drinks from Starbucks all because the Christmas cups are out all without feeling guilty.
-I have taken great pride and pleasure in the smallest of things, most recently I was able to curl one little front section of my hair for a wedding and get the bangs back and out of my face. Today I was also able to twist open the peanut butter jar. Who knew this could bring so much joy?
-I have been reminded time again of the mantra 'How important is it?' Turns out most of the things I stress out about really are not.
-I have been quite touched by the kindness of strangers, more specifically grocery store cashiers. A dear checker at Trader Joe's actually came out from the counter to help me put things back into my purse.
-My kids at school have said the darndest of things in response to my sling, my arm and getting hurt in general and it has all really cracked me up
-I can still walk, still drive, still write, still assemble my Gingerbread house for Christmas club next week
-Everything takes twice as long to do. Annoying yes, but sometimes it ends up feeling like I have a lot more time.
-I miss playing guitar and piano. Like Whoa. But I also have this great, excited, giddy feeling of anticipation about how magical it will feel when I can do it again. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
So there it is. I'm still trying to figure it out, but I'm open to the whole thing. And ultimately thankful for the chance to remember and celebrate all that I have to be thankful for- the little, the big, the humor, the humbling.
*In the midst of all this madness and musical pause, I found out that my song 'Honestly' is going to be on the Emmy award winning show, Venice!!! Wed, Nov 23, season premiere! I'm over the moon. Check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/user/venicetheseries
Thank you Charles, Matt and Lynn for making it happen!!!
Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!
