Home Again Home Again

It is a cold, windy morning up in the Bay Area and I'm in my parents house all by myself. It feels weird. Usually, this house is bustling with numerous people, voices laughing, music playing, kitchen appliances whirling. Right now its just me and my thoughts.
I drove up to Novato yesterday by myself for the weekend. I think some of Jeremy's road skills have rubbed off because i got up here pretty fast. the drive was smooth and even pretty, sections of the 5 covered in green grass, a blue sky stretched across the miles. at one point right after Harris ranch when i had been plugging my nose for 5 minutes to avoid that cow poop smell, i looked up and saw the most beautiful bird formation I've ever seen. they just looked so perfect, so natural, it looked like a painting in the sky.
I'm re-reading this book called An Altar in the World by Barbara Taylor Brown. i read it when i first moved to LA almost 2 years ago, but felt compelled to read it again, and I'm so glad i did. I'm obsessed with it. i feel like she is speaking right to my heart. and i feel like I'm in college again because I'm voraciously underlining passages as though i need to memorize them. every night i read Jeremy my favorite parts and we both share a thoughtful smile as it sinks in. this stuff is goooood. her first chapter is all about reverence and paying attention to everything around you and noticing God in all the small stuff. I have been really bad at that as of late, but decided to challenge myself to remembering after reading her chapter. This bird formation seemed a perfect example. On an otherwise boring drive I've driven 800 times, this glorious little reminder of nature and of a power greater than myself appeared right above me and caught my attention long enough for me to put my own humanity in perspective.
since being home for about 19 hours or so now, I've been trying to soak in all the things to be reverent about, and thankful for, about this little trip so far and my childhood home. here is what I've come up with so far:
1) in addition to the birds on the drive, i also found a live recording of a show Danny, Natalie and i did in LA at the beginning of the year. it sounded so good. not me, but us, the sound quality, the harmonies, the guitars, i felt so inspired. and so thankful to have such dear friends who will share their gifts with me. On stage you can get so caught up in the moment, and not really pay that much attention to the the whole picture. It was seriously awesome to hear each nuance Danny played to complement what I was playing, or how smoothly Natalie and my voices blend together, and even just hearing the audience laugh, it just all felt so special. The magic is really in the details.
2) my little brother Silas. he is the only birdy left in the nest. and to boot, my parents are off in Kenya right now. Silas is being 'taken care of' (i mean, he is 18 but still....) by Johnny Ratzlaff, a family friend for as long as I can remember. Johnny has been more like an uncle to me, present at every holiday and birthday, present at every family tragedy and celebration- truly, he's family. Last night the three of us had dinner together and it was so fun. We were all cracking each other up and telling stories and just enjoying the company. Silas did his fair share of making jokes and making fun of everyone, especially Johnny who pretty much brought his own kitchen to my parents house for the weeks he's living here. Neatly lined up on the counter is a George Foreman, a popcorn machine, an oil mister for said popcorn, and an assortment of nuts and brownie bites and of course a big bottle of Crystal Geyser flavored water that is Johnny's calling card. I was really bummed to miss my parents on this trip home, but this initial scene of catching up eased the sadness a bit. I made a mental note to soak in his care and generosity as he grilled us each a chicken, one by one, in his G.F. and to appreciate the person my little brother has grown up to be- ever clever and witty, conscientious and kind.
3) my dad's little quirks- he's not even here and still his neurotic preferences make themselves known. last night before going to bed Johnny and I spent about 10 minutes staring at the thermostat. My dad HATES using the heater. This is a difficult thing because this house is an icebox. Merilee reminds me every time I come home to bring extra layers because 'You know how your dad is about the heater'. It was really cold last night and Johnny and I were trying to decide if we should keep the heater on through the night and if so, at what temperature, and if not what temperature we should keep it at in the remaining hours of the day. Even though I kind of dreaded the thought of climbing into a chilly bed in a chilly room, I couldn't help but chuckle inside at my dad's stubbornness. And in the end, although his energy rules (no washer/dryer/dishwasher until 6pm, no lights and appliances left on etc) might cause annoyance from time to time, they are all rooted in his deep commitment to the planet and the conservation of it's resources. That inspires me.
We decided to err on the side of caution and turn off the heater. It was nice to feel like a piece of him was here guiding us to make the right choice. Also I'm pretty sure that even half way across the world he would have some way of knowing or has a hidden camera over the thermostat and will watch hours of endless recorded footage when he comes home to catch any culprits who tried to cheat when he was away.
4) After an appointment in Southern Marin earlier this morning, I was driving back home as the rain really started. There is this little decline on the 101, you don't even feel like you're climbing before you get to it but right by the Civic Center in San Rafael it looks as though the whole world is welcoming you as to start to descend. It just opens right up, the hills look so refreshed and bright and green even against the grey of the day, the road carries on before you but even the highway looks majestic winding on ahead. It's a sight that I've always loved, always waited for on the drive home from the airport when I lived in Nashville, it's when my heart fills up and I feel like I'm home.

The weekend has barely begun and there is quite a lot of goodness in store for me, lots of people to visit and hug and catch up with and many more things to feel thankful for and to pay a deeper attention to and be reverent of. I look forward to all the chances to do so and hope it only becomes more and more a second nature. I'll keep you posted on that :)